Most of us have seen Spike Lee’s 1993 film about a black man who falls for a white woman. And that’s what a lot of people seem to think is going on whenever I’m out with a brother. How can I make this assumption? Nonverbal expressions are very telling. If a picture is worth a thousand words than so is a glaring stare. Male friends and old boyfriends have observed the looks they get from white people, especially white men, when they are in my company.

At a mall, in a grocery store, walking down Ocean Avenue, at the movies, in a restaurant – many black male companions have said something to the effect of, “Man, did you see the way that white man was looking at us? He looked like he wanted to lynch me! I bet he thought you were white.”

And black people stare, too. I’ve seen plenty of black women roll their eyes and shake their heads disapprovingly at me as if they’re thinking, “Another black man wasting his time with a white girl when he should be with a sister.”

While I find these reactions amusing, it does lead me to pause and think, but what if I were white? So what?

A long time ago, I stopped paying attention to other people paying attention to me. Who wants to live their life self-conscious and scared to leave their house because all eyes will be on them? Not me. So I live life and mind my business, just like I should.

People are really interested in my love life and don’t hesitate to ask me questions like, do you date black men? Have you ever dated a white guy? Yes and yes. And I frequently hear, I have a friend I want you to meet and you are just his type! Translation: I know a single, black male who only dates light-skinned black women with long hair or who has a history of dating white women.

I appreciate being set up or introduced by mutual friends. But I do not want to be just another light-skinned girl some man is dating nor do I want to flip through his photo album only to find that his last three girlfriends look so much like me that we could be mistaken for sisters. (True story. And it creeped me out.)

So the next time someone is kind enough to think of me as a potential match for their single friend, my first question will be: What does his last girlfriend look like?