My closest friend from college, Sheray, asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. I felt so honored that she wanted me up on the altar next to her. The reverend, who was black, was a co-worker of the bride and agreed to marry she and her college sweetheart at a church in Uptown Charlotte.

During the rehearsal, the wedding director, an older white woman, was lining up the members of the wedding party on the altar. After she placed me in the spot where I was to stand on the big day, she asked no one in particular, “Is she the only white girl in the wedding party?”

Before I could form the words in my mouth to correct her, half of the wedding party immediately came to my defense and said, “She is not white!”

The director responded, “Well, she’s the closest thing to white that I see here.”

“You haven’t seen the rest of my family, so get ready,” I replied, and the response was met with a few chuckles from the folks who were present.

I remember feeling grateful, and shocked, that so many of them – most who I’d only met that day – reacted the way they did. You see, I’m usually left to defend myself when it comes to matters of my ethnic ambiguity.

Usually if people are around when I’m challenged about my race, they are so shocked by the question or comment that they are often left speechless. But my friend and her family didn’t hesitate to set this woman straight.

Honestly, I should’ve expected that reaction from my friend and her family. She was used to people reacting to me out in public. Many times when she and I would be out and about in Charlotte, I’d hear her say to someone nearby, “She’s not white,” which meant she’d caught someone staring at me, trying to figure out my race. I always cracked up at how annoyed she’d become when people would stare at me because I’d become oblivious to it. She’d always say, “I wish people would get out of your face!” I think that’s why she and I became such good friends because she was unafraid of what people thought about me, and she was unapologetic about our friendship. I don’t know if that had anything to with the fact that she was raised in the Bronx or just raised right. Whatever the reason, I love her for it anyway.